


if she had been the mistletoe

by leiaorganaa



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015), Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Christmas, Fluff, M/M, basically a finn/poe hallmark movie
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-23
Updated: 2017-12-24
Packaged: 2019-02-18 20:25:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,613
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13107894
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/leiaorganaa/pseuds/leiaorganaa
Summary: Finn is home for his last winter break of college, and discovers that Poe Dameron's back in town. They haven't spoken since Poe broke his heart years ago, and Finn doesn't plan on starting now. However, his friends, family, and his heart may have other plans.





	1. part one: chance meetings

**Author's Note:**

> hello. welcome to my finn/poe hallmark christmas movie. i promise part two will be up before the holiday! title is from an emily dickinson poem.

Finn is attempting to sleep in when Rey bursts into his bedroom. This is not the first time in their lives that she had done this, and certainly not the most embarrassing, so Finn blearily counts his blessings and tries to understand the story she's already half into.

“He had a dog, Finn! The cutest dog I’ve ever seen!” Rey sits on his bed, gesturing as if she could conjure the dog into being by wanting it badly enough. “And he looked just the same. Handsome.” She catches the corner of his narrowed eye and presses her lips together in a poor attempt at seriousness. “Old though. Quite old."

Finn, who knows sleep is a fantasy at this point, snorts and pushes his comforter aside so she can get in beside him. “He’s twenty-four, Rey. You say hi to Leia on the way in?”

Rey knocks shoulders with him as she pulls the blanket over herself. “Leia’s not home, silly. She and Luke are having tea at our house. You know, most people are awake by noon.”

“It’s winter break,” Finn grouses, turning away from her. “It’s not my fault Skywalkers don’t sleep.”

His mind is buzzing with anxious energy, the way it always does if Poe Dameron is mentioned. Poe’s been a handsome specter in his life, always lurking around the edges of things, vaguely referenced in order to protect his feelings, not that that’s ever been an issue for Rey. It’s one of this forever making qualities of their relationship. She would never hurt him, but she didn’t coddle him either.

She does seem to feel a little bad now, however, and idly strokes his back for a moment. “D’you think you’ll say hello?”

“No,” Finn says immediately, but he sounds a little unsure, even to himself. It was a small town, anyway; people you didn’t want to see had a special way of making themselves known to you.

“I wonder if he’ll visit Leia,” Rey muses. Finn swallows at his memories, once shrouded in a pleasant glow, now dunked in that same nervous energy.

-

They spend the day fooling around in town together, tracing a well-trodden path of their teenage years. Greasy pizza for lunch, window shopping, poking around the thrift shops and vintage books. It’s their last winter break of college and although they have no plan to be out of each other’s lives any time soon, the day is tinged with the slightest of melancholy. They talk about their parents, how the previous semester had gone, even though hardly a day went by where they hadn’t facetimed at school.

Finn has long since given up explaining to people that Rey isn’t his girlfriend – he only unspools their complicated histories for people who really matter. Rey is not his girlfriend, not like a sister, exactly, and best friend doesn’t quite cut it. All he knows is that there’s a thread connecting them A cord that can never snap.

After a few hours they’re both desperate for coffee, and without thinking they head to the shop they’re closest to, Pava’s Coffee. The winter chill has set in sudden and heavy, and Finn is just desperate to get out of the wind.

The smell of bagels and espresso rises to meet them as the bells on the door tinkle, and Finn takes off his gloves but drops one, and is ducking down to get it when a blur of an animal collides with his ankles. The dog yips excitedly, sniffing at his slushy boots, and Finn’s stomach drops. Although he’s never seen the dog in person before, he know exactly who it belongs to.

“BB, come here!” says a warm voice from around the corner of the shop. “Jess is gonna kick us out if you don’t behave.”

Finn gives BB a helpless pet, then forces himself to look up, into the eyes of Poe Dameron.

Poe gapes at him for a moment, cheeks pinking. Finn can hear Rey stifle a cough into her mittens. Although Finn knows it’s not like Poe’s never been back at all, he’s never seen him out and was happy to keep pretending that Poe had never existed. They haven’t spoken since that night. Finn hadn’t thought about that night for a long time, the things they said to each other, but now it seems the memory was just waiting for him.

An inscrutable expression flashes across Poe’s face. “Finn, buddy - how are ya?”

Finn’s cheeks feels warm at the nickname. How is he? That’s it? His tongue is fuzzy with something - disappointment? “I’m good, Poe.”

Poe nods, a little too frantically. “That’s good. I mean - that’s great. I’m glad you’re good.”

Several seconds pass and Finn realises he hasn’t offered anything to keep the conversation going, but his mind is a blank page. The magnitude of Poe’s full attention is blistering - he feels sixteen years old again, awkward and unsure but so desperate for Poe to look at him all the time, like having his own sun -

Rey steps to his side, a protective hand at his back.

“Poe. Fancy seeing you again.”

Poe tears his eyes from Finn’s face to look at her, and he;s responding but Finn can’t hear him and he’s burning up -  BB barks - he backs up, another step and another, until the bells tinkle again and the door yawns open against his back, and he catches a glimpse of Poe’s wounded expression before he’s out of the shop, out into the cold. His legs keep him moving, but Finn could be walking through traffic for all he knows until familiar footsteps jog beside him and Rey loops a strong arm through his.

“I’m sorry, I should have known he’d be in there. He and Jess were always close. We don’t have to talk to him ever again.” She’s gazing at him from under her grey hat, brown eyes imploring. “We can just stay in your house and watch tv all break. Eat just chips until Leia tells us off.”

“ _I'_ _m_ sorry,” Finn says instead, embarrassment outpacing anxiety as cool air floods his lungs. “I don’t know what happened, I just - I must have looked like a total -”

Rey shakes her head. “You’re fine. You’re okay. I imagine that’s the first time anyone’s walked out on Poe Dameron.” She giggles. “You should have seen his face.”

They don’t talk much on the walk back to Finn’s house. When they get there, Leia’s sitting at the dining room table, a date book and a legal pad laid out in front of her. She’s on the phone, but she waves at them when they come in. There’s a familiar sparkle in her eye that usually means she’s up to something.

Leia’s been a state senator, had a career in the military (Finn isn’t sure what that the career consisted of, but he knows that’s how she and Han met), and is involved in about every charitable organization around. She was even on track for the U.S. Senate until everything had happened with Ben. She’s semi-retired now, but Finn’s pretty sure she can’t stand to stop moving.

“Hello, kids,” she says in her familiar way once she's off the phone. “You should know that Luke and I have decided to throw a Christmas party. At the mansion.”

The mansion is the Skywalker inheritance, a few miles out of town. It’s sat empty for years. Finn knows a vague sketch of the Skywalker family history - a patriarch, tech genius, millionaire who had come from nothing, once kind but turned rageful, had driven his wife to an early grave and forced his best friend to wrest his company and custody of his children from his hands. There had been many years of legal battles, and then some kind of reconciliation before the patriarch died too. Luke eventually became head of the company, and then the Skywalker twins shocked everyone by adopting children around the same time.

Rey gasps a little. “Really? Oh, I knew Luke had been sending cleaners there for a reason.”

Leia smiles. “That place has a lot of feelings attached to it, good and bad. But I know when my father bought it, he meant it to be used. We’ve been fixing it up, slowly, and we both agreed it’s time to make some new memories there.”

The three of them chat for a bit about the logistics of the party, how many people will be there, what they could do to help - Christmas is in a few weeks, after all - before Rey decides they were putting a movie on and wanders off to the den to decide which one. Finn’s about to follow her when Leia stops him with a hand on his.

“I ran into Kes Dameron this morning. He told me Poe’s back in town.” It’s part statement, part question - a gentle way of testing the waters. Finn crumples a little. He doesn’t think he can take any more Poe talk today.

“Yep. We ran into him in town,” Finn says as casually as possible, which isn’t very. “Seems like he’s doing good.” He was looking good, at least. Finn’s head is awash with unwelcome thoughts of Poe’s hair, the strong planes of his face, his lips, slightly parted in surprise -

Leia narrows her eyes a near-imperceptible amount. “Uh-huh. So you wouldn’t mind of I invite him to the party?”

Finn shakes his head. “Yep. I mean - nope. Not at all. Why would I mind? That would be silly. If I minded.”

Leia makes an assenting noise but doesn’t say much else, just keeps looking at him like she did when he was a kid, and he’d broken a window or something and somehow thought he could keep her from finding out. Finn gulps and jabs a thumb over his shoulder. “I’m just gonna – with Rey. Love you.” He gives her a quick peck on the top of the head. “Holler if you need anything. I bet we’re just watching Top Gun again.”

Rey does, indeed, want to watch Top Gun. Then they watch Die Hard, because it’s a Christmas movie, and then they take a break to order Chinese food, and then they start The Godfather, but Rey falls asleep on Finn’s shoulder halfway through, snoring gently, her expression too soft for Finn to bear waking her up. Rey carries herself with such a constant, near-physical resolve that it’s easy to forget how young she is until you see her sleeping.

His phone buzzes, and he maneuvers it out of his pocket to see an unknown number on his screen. A text message.

_Finn. I’m sorry about today._

_who is this?_ He texts back, even though he already knows.

The response comes quickly. _Oh shit, sorry. It’s Poe._

Finn deleted Poe’s number off his phone in a drunken sleepover with Rey and Rose about a year ago. He hesitates, then texts: _didn’t mean to freak out. all good._ Then, in a burst of bravery (or stupidity): _ur dog is cute._

He knew about BB’s existence before Rey told him. Finn’s spent embarrassing amounts of time, now thankfully spaced by months instead of what had once been days, scrolling through Poe’s social media accounts. The passage of time was marked a few maybe girlfriends and maybe boyfriends, new apartments, pictures of planes on the airfield where Poe worked. BB had popped up on Poe’s feed a couple months ago.

Poe sends back a couple dog emojis, and then _Thanks! He likes you too. :)_

Finn feels a little flutter in his heart,

_ have a good night poe _

_ - _

Rey somehow convinces him to go Christmas shopping in the city, and although every store is crowded with irritated last minute shoppers, no experience is a bust where Rey is involved. They have an unspoken agreement - she keeps him entertained, he keeps her on track. 

They’ve stopped in the mall Starbucks in the afternoon, feet crowded with bags, when Rey’s eyes catch above Finn’s shoulder and she gives a tight little grin to someone he can’t see. “No way,” she mutters from the corner of her mouth.

“What?” 

Finn turns around in his chair to face, for the second time in a week, Poe Dameron.

“Hey guys, fancy seeing you here!” There’s no floundering this time - Poe’s launching a full charm offensive. His teeth white, eyes crinkled, he stops between the two of them but doesn’t sit. At first Finn thinks he’s waiting for an invitation, but he knows Poe, even if it’s been a long time. One arm full with shopping bags, Poe’s other hand is drilling a nervous pattern on his thigh. 

There’ve been no texts since the other night, but the air between them has shifted. Finn knows Rey is watching him carefully, ready to pull him out at the slightest sign of distress, but he feels calm. There’s something about  _ Poe  _ being the nervous one - charming, sexy, smooth Poe who performs it all like it’s as natural as breathing - that unfolds an old tenderness in Finn’s chest. 

“We’ve been shopping, just like you, it seems,” Rey says, gesturing to his purchases. 

“Oh yeah,” Poe lifts up his bag-laden arm. “Had to go all out for Leia. It’s not everyday you get invited to the old Skywalker place.”

He says her name casually, but his bright eyes don’t quite match his nonchalance. Finn feels a stab of guilt. Poe and Leia had been close since Poe’s mother died, very close, but that relationship faded when everything happened between them. He feels a memory surface. Leia, stroking his head. Murmuring to him.  _ Poe may be important to me, but you, Finn are my son. _

It’s no small thing to have Leia Organa’s love and then lose it. Finn doesn't envy him.

“We’re  _ very _ excited,” Rey says, leaning forward with a smile. Her caution towards Poe is melting now that Finn was not visibly upset by his presence. “I snuck in there once when I was angry with Luke. It was spooky, but I’m sure it’ll be nice with all the lights on.”

Poe laughs. “When I was a kid they used to say it was full of ghosts. Senior kids used to dare each other to sleep there overnight.”

Rey scoffs and says, “I don’t believe in ghosts,” but there’s was a glint in her eye that says she’d be delighted if she ever ran into one.

They chat for a while longer and it isn’t terrible, but when Poe leaves, Finn feels a familiar chasm of loss. He’d forgotten, the worst thing about Poe was how dim he makes your life feel once he was gone. It leaves Finn cold. He doesn’t want to start dipping into these old routines.

When they get home, there’s another text waiting for him. 

_ It was good to see you today.  _

Finn doesn’t respond. 

-

Just as Finn thought, as soon as he decides he doesn’t want to see Poe, the man becomes impossible to avoid. He’s at the grocery store, at the movies, even at the library when Finn returns some books for Leia, chatting up the desk clerk.

It’s the last straw, however, when Finn drives home from Rey’s the day after a snowstorm and finds Poe Dameron shoveling his walkway. After sitting for a moment in disbelief, making sure Poe isn’t some handsome, snowy, mirage, Finn climbs out of his car and crosses his arms.

“Hey, Poe. What are you doing here?”

Poe leans forward on his shovel and shoots Finn a smile as dazzling as sunshine on the snowdrifts. His cheeks are pink with cold and exertion, his hair curling gently from beneath his hat. He’s dressed in bulky winter clothing, but he could be wearing a sack and still look like a catalog model. 

“Hey, buddy. Leia called, she knew you’d be stuck at Rey’s for a while.”

“Leia called -”

The front door swings open. Leia had always possessed an innate ability to sense when her intervention was needed. 

“Finn,” she calls, bundled in a giant scarf, “Relax. Why don’t you both come inside and warm up.” It’s not a request. It deflates Finn’s indignant energy somewhat, and he follows her inside.

Finn is conscious of the fact that it’s been years since Poe has been in his house, and he knows exactly when the last time was. He wonders if Poe remembers too. There’s a sheepish, near reverent quality to the other man’s entrance, as if he isn’t sure if he’s supposed to be there or not. Finn hovers awkwardly as Poe begins shedding his snowy layers, trying not to watch. But Poe has a way of making you hyper aware of his every movement.

“Do you boys want tea?” Leia calls from the kitchen. 

“Yes, please,” Poe says enthusiastically. Finn takes a breath and turns to him.

“So.” 

The corner of Poe’s mouth twists into a smile. “So?”

“You must be going home right after Christmas. Back to work and all that.”  _ Smooth, Finn, very smooth.  _

Something flashes across Poe’s face - hurt, maybe - but it’s quickly buried. “Actually, I’m using up some of the old vacation days. Taking some time to myself. Spending the holidays with dad.” He shifts in his sock feet. They’re thick, wool, red but a little faded. They’re familiar. “It’s been...a while.”

_ I know it has _ , Finn wants to say,  _ I know _ . He wants to say a lot of things, but instead they hang there, yearning to be plucked out of the thick air between them. Perched on the tip of his tongue, and how much he wants to let it go,  _ why did you leave in the first place  _ – but that isn’t quite it, it’s more like  _ why did you leave me _ , but Poe turns his head at the sound of the kettle, gives him a searching glance, then brushes past him to the kitchen. 

The explanation for Poe’s presence, given casually, is this. It turns out that when Leia ran into Kes, he’d told her Poe was happy to help around the house any time, and she knew Finn had had such a long semester that she wanted to spare him the work (which is a hilarious excuse, as if anything less than a broken arm excused chores in the eyes of Leia Organa), and Poe had done a wonderful job anyway, so they had a shoveled walkway and no harm done. 

They sip their tea for a while, then Leia has to make some calls, and Poe dismisses himself from the house. Finn lingers awkwardly in the doorway while Poe puts his coat and boots on, and is about to say goodbye with Poe makes an inquisitive noise in the back of his throat. 

“You wanna maybe...go get some food? I’m starving, and I don’t feel like cooking.” He’s doing that nervous thing again, the tapping. Maybe it’s that, or the growing warmth in his heart he’s having trouble cooling down again, but that’s how Finn finds himself with Poe by choice, walking to town to get some pub food. 

The bar is called Maz’s, run by a tiny, terrifying old woman who looks the same as she had when Finn first met her at a dinner party ten years ago. It’s the only bar in town with a demographic consistently below thirty. A bit dark and sticky for Finn’s taste, but it’s always warm and the food is cheap and decent. 

It isn’t too busy this time of day, at the yawning of the early afternoon, just dotted with a few regulars and fratty-looking skiers stopping on their way through town. They order some burgers and beer, and the small talk is getting sufficiently awkward enough to make Finn wonder if he should have come. Poe won’t stop smiling at him. “Look, Poe,” he starts, and Poe seems to read his tone because the wattage of his smile drops a few degrees. 

“Finn...” he says quietly, with hesitance, “I know that being here, with me...I know it’s strange. But I just want to talk.”

“Talk?” Finn echoes, frustrated, but drawn in. “What do you want to talk about?”

“Anything.” Poe leans close, his breath tickling Finn’s nose. His eyes are wide and earnest. Finn has to swallow and keep from looking at Poe’s lips. “I want to hear about your life, Finn. Anything you want to share.” 

So Finn starts to talk. He’s stilted at first, awkward, but he talks about school and his friends there. He talks about the horrible internship he had last year, with supervisors who treated him and the other interns like they were only numbers on a spreadsheet. He talks about Rey, and how proud he is of her, how he’s sure Luke’s going to ask her to take over the company when after she gets her master’s degree. He talks about how guilty he feels leaving Leia alone since Han died. Their fries get cold, their pitchers multiply. Poe asks questions every once in a while, but mostly stay quiet. Finn had forgotten how he could make you feel like you were the only person on the planet, just by listening to you. 

After a while, more people start to trickle into the bar. Finn recognizes a lot of them from high school, and they all recognize Poe. They keep coming over to greet him, and this might make Finn anxious except he’s warm from food and alcohol, and Poe is polite but quick with them. They keep offering to buy him drinks, and Finn by proximity, so pretty soon Finn is drinking more than he meant to and the night is pleasantly slipping through his fingers. 

“Woah, buddy,” Poe chuckles at one point when Finn tries to pour himself some more beer and misses. He catches him by the elbow, and although there are several layers of clothing separating them, his touch feels like a brand. Finn just looks at him, and Poe’s throat bobs. 

“Will you walk me home?” Finn asks, voice rough. He isn’t sure what he means and he doesn’t care. Poe nods, slowly at first, and then he’s going up to pay the tab and say goodbye and helping Finn into his jacket, and the bar is a wash of color and sound.

The walk back to his house is bracingly cold, and Finn feels like a live wire. He thinks about another time, close but far. The blue light of a television screen. His feet curled under a blanket. The slow press of Poe’s mouth to his; the buttery taste of popcorn. 

They’re at his front door faster than he expects. He’s fuzzy with drinking and memories and he wants Poe inside, he knows he does, but he doesn’t know how to ask. Luckily, he doesn’t have to. “I’ll just get you some water,” Poe’s mumbling as they shuffle inside as if he’s trying to convince himself of something. The house is dark. Finn goes up to his bedroom, knowing Poe will follow. 

“Oh,” Poe breathes when he appears in the doorway, glass of water in hand. The planes of his face are lit up by the rectangle of light from the bedroom window.

“What?”

“It’s just - it’s just how I remember it.” He hands the glass to Finn.

Finn swallows.

“We spent a lot of time in here.”

Poe’s gaze falls to the floor, then he looks up, eyes wild and dark and a little sad. “We sure did.”

Finn isn’t sure who moves first, but he hears Poe’s sharp intake of breath before he kisses him, kisses him hard, trying to communicate years of pent up anger and sadness and love. Poe groans into his mouth and pulls him close, hand at the small of his back. It’s deep and urgent, and heat pools low in Finn’s stomach. 

He pulls Poe backwards without breaking their kiss, letting himself fall back when the bed hits the back of his knees. Poe follows him greedily, nipping at his bottom lip. His body slides over Finn’s, and Finn gasps at the press of his erection against Poe’s inner thigh. He’s starting to get dizzy though, and Poe pulls away when his kisses begin to slow. 

“Are you okay?” he asks, breathless. “Do you want to stop?”

Finn shakes his head. The alcohol makes it hard to be coherent. “Just -” he swallows, “- just kissing, I think. If that’s okay.” 

Poe nods, smiling wide. “Of  _ course _ that’s okay. Anything you want, Finn.” Satisfied, Finn reaches for him, and Poe nuzzles into the crook of his neck. 

They kiss, hot and slow under the covers until Finn can’t keep his eyes open. He falls asleep in the warm fold of Poe’s arms. It isn’t comfortable, really, and he’ll wake up with a crook in his neck, overheated, but it doesn't matter, because this is the most content Finn has felt in a long time. 


	2. part two: reunions

Finn wakes up to a warm, calloused hand cupping the side of his face. He shifts, swallows - his mouth is fuzzy and his brain is slow as molasses. When he opens with eyes, Poe leans down and presses a dry kiss to his forehead. 

“Good morning,” he says, voice rough with sleep. “I didn’t want to wake you, but I told my dad I’d help him at work today.”  _ And I couldn’t just leave you _ . The unspoken thought unspools itself between them. 

“S’ okay,” Finn mumbles. Poe smiles, radiant, and sinks down so they’re laying across from each other, face to face. 

“Do you want to get breakfast? I have a little time.”

He’s going to say yes, he really is - but laying there, in the cold light of the winter sunshine, Finn thinks about it. He can see the future. Breakfast with Poe. A few more dates with Poe. Sex with Poe. Then he’ll go back to school, and Poe will go back to his clean apartment and his job at the airfield, and forget about him again. But he won’t forget about Poe. And it’ll start the whole thing over, like breaking the same bone, and he’s never going to heal right because he’s always going to want more than Poe can give him. 

“Nah,” he finds himself saying. He feels distant from his own body, as if it’s protecting him from the roaring ache in his chest.  _ Don’t do this, _ his heart says,  _ don’t do this don’t do this don’t -  _

“I think I’m good. Just gonna sleep some more.”

Poe’s face crumples, then quickly rearranges itself. He nods and sits, turning away from Finn to rummage around for something on the floor. His socks, Finn realizes. The red socks. He remembers now - they were a Christmas gift from him, when he was sixteen. Poe always complained about having cold feet. It was the first time Finn had really picked out a gift for someone on his own. They’re the same socks. 

“Okay, well -” Poe swallows hard, like there’s something stuck in his throat, “- I’ll see you around, then?” 

“See you around,” Finn echoes. Poe finally looks at him, gives him a ghost of a smile. His head turns - catches. His whole body tenses, but before Finn can figure out what he’s looking at - his closet? - Poe mumbles a goodbye and is out the door. 

Finn’s heart is screaming at him to get up, to stop him, but he stays weighted to the bed until he hears the front door close. Then he groans, and turns over, but he can’t get back to sleep. 

-

Finn is hanging ornaments on large garlands with Rey at the Skywalker mansion when he tells her the story. The furrow between her brows grows deeper and deeper as he talks, which means she wants to say something but is restraining herself. Finally, when it looks like her head’s about to implode, Finn gestures at her.

“What?”

“It’s just - are you sure that’s what you want?”

“Okay, that’s not what best friends say. You’re supposed to back me up.”

Rey huffs. “I want you you to be  _ happy _ , Finn. And if you really not interested, then fine. But I don’t think it’s fair, necessarily, to assume what Poe wants.”

“But I don’t know what he wants. That’s the problem.” 

Rey looks like she’s going to say speak again, then doesn’t, instead focusing very precisely on how she hangs a glittery snowflake. 

Finn narrows his eyes. “Do you know what Poe wants?”

Rey doesn’t look at him. “Um - not necessarily -”

“Rey.” Finn sets a glass ball back in its package and crosses his arms. “What’s going on?”

“I  _ may  _ have been talking to Jessika -”

“About me?” 

“No! About Poe!” She falters. “Well...I guess you’re involved. She said that you’re all Poe’s talked about since he got back. How excited he was to see you.”

“He didn’t tell me that!” 

“Well, I don’t know!” Rey throws up her hands. “Maybe he was nervous! But it’s been a long time. Maybe things can be different.”

This digs deep at Finn. “Exactly. He had lots of time if he changed his mind. He could have apologized. He could have come to see me, but he never did.” He can hear the desperation, the sadness in his own voice and it makes him angry. He remembers, he was so sure that Poe would realize his mistake, that he’d show up with flowers and a desperate apology. He’d gone over the scenarios a million times - he wouldn’t accept, not immediately, but he’d take Poe back after they talked for hours, after they laid out exactly what their future would be. But the apology never came. Finn graduated high school, he went to college, and he grew up. And he isn’t naive enough to let Poe leave him again. 

They work in silence for a while after that. Rey keeps shooting him searching glances, but Finn feels too sick and tired to keep talking. 

When they run out of garland to decorate, Luke appears from the upper floors of the house, as if he can sense their idle hands. He’s descending, iPad in hand with a look that says he’s about to give them more to do, when he studies them for a moment and pauses.

Finn and Rey don’t ever really fight, so the slightest disagreement makes the world feel like it’s tilting on its axis. 

“What’s the matter,” Luke asks drily. “Don’t tell me you don’t like the color scheme.”

Rey rolls her eyes - fondly, of course - and Luke narrows his at her - fondly, of course. Finn has always felt a little distant from Luke. He loves him, and he knows Luke loves him too, but Luke and Rey are just so close that there never feels like much room in the dynamic for another person. It’s different than his bond with Leia - not better, Finn wouldn’t trade his relationship with her for the world - just different. 

Rey looks at him, then at Luke, then back at Finn - he shakes his head a little - and then in a rush, she says, “Poe Dameron is back in town and I think Finn should give him a chance and it’s his life, obviously, and he can do whatever he wants but I wouldn’t want him to miss out on something really special because he’s scared, so what do you think about it.” She stops to suck in a breath, eyes big.

“ _ Traitor _ ,” Finn hisses, and Rey just sticks her tongue out at him a little.

“The pilot, huh…” Luke muses, and Finn honestly can’t tell if he’s making fun of them or not. “He broke your heart, didn’t he, Finn?” 

“Yeah,” Finn mumbles. 

“So why aren’t we done with him, Rey, if he broke Finn’s heart?”

Rey looks frustrated. “Because - normally I would be, but sometimes people deserve a second chance, don’t they? If they’re really serious, I mean, and if you love them.”

“If I  _ love him _ ?” Finn starts, but something catches in his chest and he hesitates. 

Does he love him?

He thinks about Poe’s smile. The curl of his hair. The way he listens. He thinks about the spark that’s reignited in his chest since he saw him, standing in the coffee shop. He thinks about how he still understands Poe’s expressions, his gestures. He thinks about the Poe of his memory, of before, the Poe that shepharded him through his high school years, the Poe that kept him safe, the Poe that kissed him so gently that first time. The Poe that gave him his jacket without a second’s hesitation. He thinks about how smart Poe is, and how he’s always kind to everyone, and he thinks - Finn thinks, maybe this is love. It’s changed, because he’s changed, but he still loves Poe. 

“Shit,” Finn says.

Luke, who’s been watching him, smiles. “You know, Han and Leia broke up about a dozen times - and that was after they got married and bought the house. But they always loved each other fiercely. In this family, we don’t always do things in the traditional sense. If you feel like there’s something there - ” he shrugs, “- I’d listen.”

-

The Christmas party is huge. Finn expects everyone from the neighborhood is there, as well as Luke’s employees and Leia’s various coworkers from her charity groups. The Skywalker mansion has three floors to it - only the ground floor and some bathrooms on the second are open to everyone, but it’s still more square footage than Finn’s whole house. It looks beautiful covered in garlands, all wrapped in twinkling lights and gold ribbon. There are several giant Christmas trees - two by the staircase, ine on the ballroom - and the air smells of pine needles, holiday music winding through the sound of laughter and tinkling glasses. Finn understands why Luke and Leia have never wanted to live here alone. Space like this is meant to be filled. 

Finn, dressed in his nicest sweater per Rey’s insistence, is anxious. He’s standing with some friends near the appetizer table - Rey, Rose, Paige, and Kaydel Connix, who are all engaged in a chittery, enthusiastic conversation that he has barely heard a word of. Poe isn’t here yet. He wouldn’t be that worried, except Kes walked in ten minutes ago, alone. Finn keeps shifting, trying to see over everyone’s heads, and Rose grabs him by the arm.

“Finn, are you nervous or something? Because you’re making me nervous.” 

Rey smirks. “He’s waiting for someone.” Suddenly, her eyes catch on someone behind him and she waves. Finn’s heart skips a beat -

\- and it’s just Jess. 

“Jess!” he says, a little too loudly. Then clears his throat. “Have you, uh - you seen Poe?”

She shakes her head and shrugs. “Nope, sorry. We were gonna come to this thing together but he canceled on me. Said he had something else to do tonight.”

Finn begs his face to stay neutral, but it must not be working as all the girls are giving him pitying glances. He feels his eyes prick.  _ No no no. Not now.  _

“M’ gonna go get another drink,” he mumbles, even though his drink is half full. Rey says his name but he ignores her, just lets himself get swallowed by the festive crowd. He thought Poe was going to show up for Leia, at least, and then they could talk. It seemed too important for a text message, and Finn would be lying if he didn’t think the party would have been a romantic background. He just feels silly now. Still going about this in all the wrong ways. Maybe it’s just not meant to be. Maybe they’ve grown too far apart. 

A gentle hand touches his arm and it’s Leia, somehow escaped from her admirers for a moment. 

“Are you okay?” she asks softly, and she must see the wobble of his chin or the wet of his eyes, because she draws him into a hug. Finn’s really crying now, he can feel the damp patch spreading beneath his cheek and into her jacket. 

“I just thought -” he gulps, voice thick, and she shushes him and rubs a hand over his back.

“I think -” Finn says after a moment, collecting himself and drawing back - “I think I might go home.”

Something flickers across Leia’s features. “I understand,” she says, “but why don’t you go upstairs and get some quiet. If you still want to leave after, I won’t stop you.”

So Finn goes upstairs. He’s going to stop at the second floor, but there are a few throngs of people up there, so he keeps going. After a moment he realizes that he sees light coming from the third floor, which is strange because it’s supposed to be closed off. 

Yelling at someone in his family’s mansion isn’t Finn’s idea of a great time, but if some kids want to smoke pot they need to be a little better at finding a place. Finn rounds the final corner of the stairs, and it takes a second for his eyes to adjust because the third floor seems to be glowing.

The grand archway is strung up with dangling lights. Finn slowly pushes them aside. There are lanterns strung across the ceiling, lights across the walls, around every door frame. They’re even on the floor, laid out on either side of him like a pathway. And the path leads to Poe Dameron. 

Poe is dressed in a suit, and he looks more nervous than Finn’s ever seen him before. Blatantly so. He keeps leaning back and forth on his heels, glancing at his phone, but when he catches sight of Finn, all movement stops. 

“Finn,” he breathes, and breaks into the most genuine, beautiful smile that Finn’s ever seen. He’s haloed in light, and he takes one step forward, then another - and Finn rushes to meet him. Poe envelops him in a hug.   
Finn burrows his face as far as it’ll go into the crook of Poe’s neck. They stay like that for a long time, just holding each other. 

“I didn’t think you were coming,” Finn says. 

“I didn’t think  _ you  _ were coming! I asked Leia if she would help me, I told her she could tell you or not and I was sure she told you and you weren’t coming - not that I would blame you, of course.” Poe takes his hands, staring at him with anxious, open need. 

“Finn. I know I can never make up for what I did. I was a dumb kid, and I was scared of how much I loved you. I kept thinking I would go back and I would make it up to you, but I was a coward. Too much time had passed. I was sure you were over me. But seeing you again -” he swallows, his eyes shining, “Seeing you again has made me realize that my life will never be complete if I don’t try. If you can find it in you to forgive me, Finn, I want to be with you. For good.”

Finn, flooded with hope, can see the future. And he trusts it. He raises Poe’s knuckles to his lips - one, then the other, then he steps forward, letting their cheeks brush, letting his heart fill with the moment, with the ghostly caress of Poe’s eyelashes, the hitch in his breath - and he kisses him. Deeply. Poe clutches at him like a drowning man, cheeks wet, and they’re laughing, holding each other. Finn feels that he has just stepped into his life, that the pain and ache of those years were worth it because he ended here again.

“I forgive you,” Finn says. “I love you.”

“I love you,” Poe breathes, pressing their foreheads together. “Forever.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you so much for reading and happy holidays to everyone!!! it's pretty cheesy in here but i hope you enjoyed it :)


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